Thursday, May 13, 2010

Whatchu talkin bout?

In what is clearly the most ridiculous story of the NFL off-season (bet Jeff Ireland is finally unclenching this week), Houston linebacker and former Tin's Fins target of ridicule, Brian Cushing, held a press conference today where he claimed innocence over his failed positive banned substance test.

"I tested positive for such a small amount it can't be performance-enhancing," Cushing said. "I've got to get medical help to find out what it happened and to keep it from happening again. I'm going to change my workout regime or anything I do because I know I haven't done anything wrong. I was tested in September, and I found out in October I had tested positive," he said. "I played the rest of the season thinking I had tumors."

Cushing went on to say that he thought he was going to die from tumor-related illness.  Yet to this day he has not had a medical check to see if he actually has a tumor.  Surely someone who thinks they have a tumor in October, and who's livelihood depended on his health, and who would've received constant medical attention by trainers, doctor's physicians, and the fact that they have medical tests done at the end of the season, surely this person would've brought up this fear to someone before today, a week after being outed for about the 12th time by the media for being a steroid-user.

I'm sorry, Brian, I'm not buying any of this, and anyone who is could probably be sold beachfront property in Missouri.

Cushing had one chance to, if not clear his name, prevent a long-term backlash of the story, and he failed miserably because now the media will follow him straight to the hospital to have tests done.  


Now those who aren't up on the medical side of things may not be aware that the vast majority of instances where such tumors that can cause elevated HCG levels are found in pregnant women.  Now, pregnant women already have elevated levels of HCG so the tumor issue is relatively moot.

If Brian Cushing comes out of the closet as a pregnant (at the time of the test) woman with trophoblast issues then I will of course, completely withdraw this post and offer a full apology.

But would a pregnant woman tackle like that?

42 comments:

  1. Come on Tin!  Cushing didn't want to tip off his opponents by saying he might have a tumor!  He didn't want them to target him.  It makes his accomplishments that much more impressive because he played knowing he might die at any minute!!  ... Okay, sarcasm over.  What an effing joke Cushing is.  He is making himself look worse and worse.

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  2. LOL I actually bought into the sarcasm there for a second.  For the record, the tumors that could have caused this sort of false positive are not life-threatening and are generally only on the lining of the uterus....

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  3. However, a miscarriage could've occurred if the opponents keyed in on him....

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  4. <p><span>What makes this whole thing much more ridiculous is that the AP voters apparently don't think PED's are that big of a deal, as they gave the award anyway!  How does a rookie have that many tackles at the end of the season when every other rookie hit the wall around game 11 or 12?  His stats would have naturally dropped off towards the end of the season...instead, he winds up with 133 on the season.  That's better than Zack for Christ sakes!  Just ridiculous.  </span>
    </p><p><span> </span>
    </p><p><span>Or perhaps the AP voters realized that there really wasn't any body better...just a lack of rookie production on the whole last year...Cushing was the best of a crappy year...the cream on the top of a pile of shit.  Mmmm...shit-pile cream...could that be his new Tin's Phins nickname?  And can I have some shit-pile cream in my coffee?  Actually, I'm laughing so hard I'm about to shit-pile cream my pants!</span>
    </p><p><span> </span>
    </p><p><span>Whoo-hoo!  Go Phins.</span></p>

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  5. Giving Cushing the benefit of a very big doubt, it could be testicular cancer, but again, if your positive test wasn't 'self inflicted' so to speak, you'd be getting tested by all kinds of docs to find out if you did in fact have cancer.  So that doesn't really make sense.

    I have no idea about this, complete speculation, but maybe something like this could be possible for those who are neither one sex or the other but both, but are male dominant...it would explain enlarged breasts, a slight elevated hCG level(common for ovulating women).  (I'm going into our library to do some research on this!)  As unusual as this would be, I'd be more likely to believe this in this case than the explanation that someone played an entire football season thinking they had some kind of tumor only to seek no medical treatment either during or after the season. 

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  6. Just so I know I am following the right story in the future, is this going to be known as "gagagate" or "tittygate" from here on in? :-D

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  7. Totally laughing at shit-pile cream!

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  8. So you are in fact suggesting that Cushing is a hermaphrodite?  Surely that would've come up during the 'poking and prodding' session at the Combine?

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  9. How about we combine the two suggestions from Keith and UK and call it 'Titty-Cream-Gate'?

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  10. lol - this would also explain why Cushing was so worried about how to cope with split ends?

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  11. We Have PlaymakersMay 13, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    The question that is impossible to answer is whether Cushing is able to be a top flight player without 'PED's.'  I hate that term since not all athletes take steroids & banned substances to become better players some take 'PED's' to recover from injuries quicker.  Is that a cheater or a gamer???

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  12. This also begs the question why didn't Miami pursue him? We all know how important positional flexibility is to the triad - he could have played on D, then reverted to being a cheerleader when the O was on the field?!?

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  13. For the record, I don't think Cushing is on steroids now or was during the 2009 season.  He could've been, but that's not my speculative take on it.

    However, I do believe he is a long-time taker of something as the photos tell a tale of a guy who was already one of the top recruits in the entire country (I think he might've been the top LB recruit) and went from being a strong but thick, slightly pudgy guy to being an absolute freak that wouldn't have looked out of place in a body-building competition and he did it all in a matter of months.

    And the guy's face has not developed at all since he was 15 and he has enough acne to scare away little children.

    <span>Facts about steroid use:</span>
    When a child or adolescent takes anabolic steroids, the resulting artificially high sex hormone levels can prematurely signal the bones to stop growing.

    Changes that can be reversed include reduced sperm production and shrinking of the testicles (testicular atrophy). Irreversible changes include male-pattern baldness and breast development (gynecomastia) in men.



    Steroid abuse can cause acne, cysts, and oily hair and skin.

    Psychiatric effects

    rage, aggression
    mania
    delusions

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  14. IT'S NOT A TUMOR!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaTO8_KNcuo

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  15. To finish my thought above (must've gotten distracted by Cushing's massive boobs!), I don't think he was actively taking them in the NFL, but I do believ he was taking something in an attempt to repair some of the damage that was done by use of banned substances in College. 

    Yes I believe he was 'stacking' at USC along with Clay Matthews.  Yes I believe both Matthews and Cushing are closet racists and possibly dangerous personalities.  Yes I think Maualuga is dumber than a paper-mache brick.  Yes I think all 3 USC LBs mentioned above are among the most self-obsessed defensive players I've ever seen.  And I think Cushing is a liar, a cheat and just plain evil.

    But, you know, best to all of them... 8-)

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  16. Ok, to answer your question, no I don't really think he's a hermaphrodite...but wouldn't it be interesting if he were?   fwiw, I see and hear about all kinds of abnormalities that you wouldn't imagine which is why I think of this stuff.

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  17. I bet I could imagine, and if not, finfanrob will and then share with us....

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  18. Tim The EnchanterMay 13, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    Wow those are harsh words, Tin. What's with the closet racist comments on Cushing and Matthews? I'm not challenging you, just wondering where that came from. You made a comment on Cushing being a racist in another blog and you never replied to my question.

    I do know that Cushing has been a big user of supplements during his athletic career and he probably tries anything close to steroids if not steroids. There is a lot of crap out there. He was known as a workout warrior so a guy who's already pretty big can get ripped pretty quick with hardcore workouts. I've seen guys get big pretty fast without roids.

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  19. TTE, your memory has really been fading lately, you keep asking me questions like that.

    Cushing and Matthews had the white supremacist facebook account....ring any bells?

    I don't just go around pointing at random people and shouting, "RACIST!"  "PERVERT"  "GINGER!"  "BOOBIES!"

    ok, I do sometimes yell out 'boobies'....

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  20. Huh huh....Tin said "boobies".

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  21. ...tin ...how DARE you include "Ginger" in the same group as Racist and Pervert! ...you ...you ...you RACIST you!

    ...proud ginger here ;)

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  22. Tin - I remember all of the rumors about Matthews and Cushing.  Matthews' blood line was the main reason I would have been fine with drafting him.  However, I really wanted Hakeem Nicks last year when we picked, but knew Vontae was very good and was good value.

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  23. Tim The EnchanterMay 13, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    Sorry Tin, I don't remember the Facebook thing all that well. It sounds vaguely familiar. I can't remember everything. I have to many things to think about. Oh yeah and I'm 45 so ya know... it happens. LOL

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  24. Tim The EnchanterMay 13, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    I take the CB over the WR every time. They're harder to find. Vontae proved last year that he has the skills to be very good. He just needs more experience.

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  25. I don't disagree with your statement TTE and I don't have a problem with them taking Vontae.  I watched him play a lot of times and always liked his game.  I'm just saying my man crush last year for our 1st round pick was Hakeem Nicks. 

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  26. Tim The EnchanterMay 13, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    Nicks also showed he can be very good. Being that I root for the Giants unless they play the Dolphins which rarely happens, I get to root for both of them.  :)

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  27. Years ago the Soviet Union had atheletes that were taking Steriods, and then the IOC came down on everyone.  One of the tell tail signs of steriod use at that time was, of those that took the riods their facial features look like Frankenstien.  Take a look at Cushing in the video that Tin supplied and tell me Cushing doesn't look like Frankenstien.  If you look close enough I think you can see bolts in his neck.

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  28. NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY HEYYYYY....... GOODBYE .......CAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  29. I'm sorry wrong blog? ;)

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  30. I was rooting for Nicks last year too... really liked him.

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  31. Well... Cushing in my mind is a bold face liar. If you put any one of these things on their own(pictures/failed test/rumors)... fine, you can have the benefit of the doubt. As it stands, he's pretty sketchy.

    At least i'm sure I can agree with him on one thing, Mike Florio is an ass.

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  32. Sounds more like wrong planet? ;)

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  33. I still kind of like the theory that Cushing had "Seminal Residue" in his urethra causing the false positive! LOL 

    Just the idea of him rubbing one out before a drug test tickles me!  LOL

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  34. Off subject, but I saw this morning that the space shuttle Atlantis is going to be launched for the final time today.  That piece of machinery is 25 years old!  OMG! how many of you have CARS that are 25 years old?  And cars don't go through 100 times gravity and 1000's of degrees in reentry heat!  wow

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  35. Rockfin,
    I live just a handfull of miles south of the cape and see these things go up all the time. Soon to be none!
    They really go over these things with a fine toothed comb to ensure they are in top working order.

    After this launch and re-entry, this craft will become just another airplane on a stick at some park...SAD!  So much for America leading in space.  It will now be the Soviets..er, Roosians, Chicoms, and Japanese who will return to the Moon and start mining.  UGH!

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  36. Cushing=Cheater doing PR damage control.

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  37. Rock,
    I live in Merritt Island and work for Northrop Grumman, so I know how true your statement is. Hopfully I survive and don't get axed.  I agree that the county will have a very tough time recovering. It may take many years, if at all.

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  38. Bam, you replied to my comment, but I could not see that it posted. Even now it doesn't show! LOL  Good Luck buddy! My inlaws still live on Melbourne Beach, they own (or almost owned) a screen enclosure company, but they are at the point where they are almost going to loose everything!  I moved back to West Palm area after I lost my Estimator Job in Melbourne, now two years later the company I came back south to work for has gone out of business. 

    I just know what I and the rest of the people up there are going to do!

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  39. Hey, a drug test is a stressful thing, especially if you're a guy like
    Cushing who's known to take every supplement under the sun - sometimes a
    little 'trojan tug' can help relax a guy....

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  40. Yeah but the Atlantis has been rebuilt over and over - I think the odds of
    finding anything older than 3 years on that heap is minimal.

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  41. We Have PlaymakersMay 14, 2010 at 8:55 AM

    I really liked Nicks (thought he would be the 2nd best WR after Crabtree) & I thought for sure we would take Matthews.  Nice job by our staff taking Vonate who really improved as the season went on.  I believe the sky is the limit for this kid.

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